that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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