I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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