there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
