And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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