Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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