hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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