Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
