The maid of honor just puked.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
