the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
