Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
