btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
