dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
