im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who died my cat blue again?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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