Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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