did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
