Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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