I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
