I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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