does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
