last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
