If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
