i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Don't make out with my wife yet
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
