ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
