she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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