Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
