the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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