Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
