you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
