She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
