John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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