Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
