where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
