I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
