this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
