A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
