you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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