I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
