i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
