She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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