so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
