I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
