yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
