I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
