oh god the rape fog is back!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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