Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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