Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
