I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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