I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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