I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
