The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
