i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
