I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
