so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have aggressive nipples.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
