Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
