"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
